Friends Forever (?)

 

The other day I listened to a philosophical talkshow on Swedish Radio, discussing what to do with social media accounts after someone dies. The topic caught my interest, as I had recently had reason to wonder about that myself. 

Last year, an old childhood friend of mine died. Not a very close friend; but in later years we were also friends on Facebook. Her daughter (whom I never met) then used her mum's Facebook account to inform friends of her death and funeral. That I felt was a good idea, as I for one (living in a different city and not in touch with any other mutual old friends) probably wouldn't have heard of it otherwise, until long afterwards. 

However, just recently (some eight months or so later) I suddenly also got FB notices of greetings left for my deceased friend on her (still open) Facebook wall by friends/family on her birthday. I have to confess that felt a bit weird. ("Happy birthday" - "Thinking of you" - "Miss you") Looking at my list of friends on FB, she is also still there just as when she was still alive. I suppose I can change my own settings - but then I found myself hesitating wondering if I should completely "unfriend" her?? ... Hm, in a way I guess I understand if it's even harder for the next of kin to decide!

The radio program did not really give any answers as to a 'right' or 'wrong' way to deal with these things either; they just stated the fact that the internet has not only changed our lives, but also how we deal with death - and our memories of our dear departed ones. We used to think of people as leaving Earth and going to Heaven... Now, there is also - apparently - the possibility to just stay in the Cloud... (Pretty much like the rest of us!)

One of my own thoughts while listening was that Facebook (and similar) may be more problematic than a blog; because of the possibility often left open on FB for friends to post things to someone's "wall" as well as just commenting. With a blog, perhaps it feels more natural to just leave it? (But I've also seen examples of a wife or husband taking over and continuing.)

One speculation in the radio program was that in the future, the providers of the various internet services might set a time limit for how long accounts belonging to dead people will be stored in the Cloud  - as even digital data does actually require storage space.

Thoughts...???

(I'm thinking I should probably do some more thinking, and write some of my own thoughts on things like this down while I'm still capable of thinking...)

Things I Don’t Like

Over the last week, in among all the political newscasts, I also spent a bit more time than usual on Facebook, checking out what was being shared there.

While doing so, it hit me once again that there are certain categories of FB posts I’m heartily tired of.

For example:

Any post that ends with “Share if you agree”. (Because that plays on group pressure and implies that whether you share or not, it Means Something.)

Exhortations to sign online petitions, for much the same reason.

“Share if you can see this.” Usually some kind of optical illusion,  with the added statement that only 5% or so of the world’s population can see it. Quite astonishing sometimes, how many of my fifty-few Facebook friends (and sometimes I too) seem to belong to that rare elite. (And what if I want to share because I can’t see it?)

“But what about everyone/everywhere/everything else.”
(As comment when someone makes a statement of sympathy for someone/somewhere/something in particular.)

Photos and film clips of cats and dogs dressed up as humans. Ordinary cute and funny I can take - in moderate portions. Pets in a shirt and tie or ballet skirt, not so much. (Unless you can convince me they chose it themselves and dressed without human help). (Which means children’s books drawings are not included in this general dislike, as they are generally totally convincing in that respect.)

I’m sure my list could be made much longer; and another day it might look different. (And you may feel free to agree or disagree or add your own dislikes or remain silent just as you please…)

Friends in a Box

Scrolling back through my new timeline layout in Facebook I was reminded of another “in the box” story (compare yesterday’s post). In a FB comment just before New Year, I mentioned that I intended to have friends over for the occasion. Mysteriously, as I was writing, the word friends caused an automatic suggestion to pop up  that maybe I meant FRIENDS as in the TV show!

Actually it was a little spooky, because I was in the middle of re-watching that series on DVD. But how on earth could Facebook know? And rather rude of them to suggest that I’d have nothing better to do on a New Year’s Eve! (Not to mention that the assumption on this particular occasion was actually wrong…)

Why it happened has remained a mystery – until now. I just figured it out. It so happened that when writing that status update, I used the phrase “me + friends”. It seems it was the + that did it! (Perhaps you already knew that. But I didn’t!)

Thinking Outside The Box

“The Box” I have in mind just now is Facebook; while Blogger  counts as Outside, because here I’m allowed all the space I want to think /rant /ramble…

On FB, I summed it up thus: “My life does not fit into the boxes.” 

(No, I’m not moving again. This is a picture from the last time I did, 3½ years ago. I have no wish to repeat that any time soon!)

If you are a Facebook user, you have probably noticed that they are introducing a new layout with a Timeline. I decided yesterday to give it a tryout before they force it on me anyway.

Seductively, they seemed to promise me a chance of reviewing and changing settings before these were made visible to anyone else. This, of course, was not true. People may not have seen the new layout (perhaps!) until I pushed that special button, but my trial and error “activities” were obviously made public step-by-step just as usual. Not that it mattered much – I was just a bit surprised when comments started to drop in about things I did not think I had actually published yet!

Don’t get me wrong. I think the new layout looks good, and as for the timeline I can see that it has its advantages – especially if you want to use Facebook as a complete CV and summary of your life; rather than just a meeting place to say hi and hello to few people now and then.

It’s when you don’t want FB to be a complete CV that it tends to get complicated. Because the new Timeline suggests it should be.

Personally I signed up for FB mainly as a means to keep in touch with certain old friends (and a few new ones). But I’ve been a rather passive or irregular user so far and with no special wish to track down and reconnect with every person I’ve ever known.

Therefore I’ve also seen no reason to list the whole history of my life in the “About” section. The only things I put down was where I went to secondary school vs. university.

But after I had switched to the new timeline layout yesterday, I happened to notice that when moving the cursor over my profile picture, up popped a little box displaying not only my name, but also the name of the university from which I graduated back in 1985.

It seemed that because I made no entry in the Job section (having been in disability retirement for the last eight years), FB would forever pin me down as either student or working for the university in a town I moved away from 26 years ago.

Not that I really mind being the eternal student. Actually I think I’d much rather still be hallmarked as student than anything else! But being tagged to the university in a town where I haven’t lived for nearly 30 years did not seem quite right.

Listing myself as an ex-whatever did not appeal to me either.

For a while, I half-seriously contemplated to enter also having been a student at Hogwarts, Hogsmeade (“studying” Harry Potter 2001-2007). Or The Unseen University, Ankh-Morpork (Terry Pratchett’s Discworld). But then I chickened out… 

However, after various trial and error experiments, I’m happy to say that I now seem to be successfully registered as a student at the University of Life. That I can live with! And the day I graduate, it will be Someone Else’s problem* how to enter the date!

*(Some years ago, I joined a heritage website, trying to sort out my family tree and timelines. The problem is, they made some access changes since I first joined. After my dad died last summer, I wanted to enter the date of his death; but was not able to do that the proper way. Why? Because while dad was still able to use a computer he registered himself on the website as well. Which means he needs to log in himself to make further changes in his own profile. Only… Well!!!)

By the way, do you know the background of the expression Thinking Outside the Box? Not sure I did… Check it out!