The other day I listened to a philosophical talkshow on Swedish Radio, discussing what to do with social media accounts after someone dies. The topic caught my interest, as I had recently had reason to wonder about that myself.
Last year, an old childhood friend of mine died. Not a very close friend; but in later years we were also friends on Facebook. Her daughter (whom I never met) then used her mum's Facebook account to inform friends of her death and funeral. That I felt was a good idea, as I for one (living in a different city and not in touch with any other mutual old friends) probably wouldn't have heard of it otherwise, until long afterwards.
However, just recently (some eight months or so later) I suddenly also got FB notices of greetings left for my deceased friend on her (still open) Facebook wall by friends/family on her birthday. I have to confess that felt a bit weird. ("Happy birthday" - "Thinking of you" - "Miss you") Looking at my list of friends on FB, she is also still there just as when she was still alive. I suppose I can change my own settings - but then I found myself hesitating wondering if I should completely "unfriend" her?? ... Hm, in a way I guess I understand if it's even harder for the next of kin to decide!
The radio program did not really give any answers as to a 'right' or 'wrong' way to deal with these things either; they just stated the fact that the internet has not only changed our lives, but also how we deal with death - and our memories of our dear departed ones. We used to think of people as leaving Earth and going to Heaven... Now, there is also - apparently - the possibility to just stay in the Cloud... (Pretty much like the rest of us!)
One of my own thoughts while listening was that Facebook (and similar) may be more problematic than a blog; because of the possibility often left open on FB for friends to post things to someone's "wall" as well as just commenting. With a blog, perhaps it feels more natural to just leave it? (But I've also seen examples of a wife or husband taking over and continuing.)
One speculation in the radio program was that in the future, the providers of the various internet services might set a time limit for how long accounts belonging to dead people will be stored in the Cloud - as even digital data does actually require storage space.
Thoughts...???
(I'm thinking I should probably do some more thinking, and write some of my own thoughts on things like this down while I'm still capable of thinking...)
11 comments:
The next of kin presumably have all her passwords and can pretend to be her so could close the account. However, unless things have changed with Facebook, it used not to be possible for anyone to close the account of someone who had died. I know particularly because around the time a friend died there was a big stouchie and Facebook said that anyone could pretend to be a next of kin and have an account closed. It's what happens when people only deal in electronic communication which is so easily hackable and misrepresented. I have a feeling (as I was writing this) that there is now a provision to allow someone to close you account in the event of your death. I must research that sometime.
This must have been a fascinating talk. Well, for one thing, what if Facebook never knows that someone is dead? Maybe if an account is not active for a year or so, they should disable it?
I made a list of my social media accounts and passwords so my adult children can post announcements and close my accounts upon my death. It seems like a good idea and a way to let people know. Your writing about maybe being in the Cloud made me smile. I am promised I will be in heaven.
As you can imagine, this particular aspect of data or privacy protection is very interesting for me and my colleagues, even though we usually have companies as our clients, not people.
My husband and I knew each other's passwords for email accounts and the very few social media we used. When he died, I logged on to the computer gaming platform where he was a regular writer in the forums, and had established a few friendships. I told everyone that I was not Steve, but his wife, and informed them of his death. At first, a few of them thought Steve was making a rather bad joke, but then they believed me. And, most touching and totally unexpected, they collected money for me and sent it via paypal, and a card for the funeral. After all was done, I wrote to the platform's admins and asked them to close the account, which they did without requesting any formal document. But that was 10 years ago.
My friend Rich died 4 years ago, each time his birthday comes around I get the email to tell him happy birthday. I went there a few weeks ago and there were wishes for him in heaven. I have 3 other friends who have died and they are all still active. in fact one, her daughters continue to post photos on it. there is what is called a legacy contact person, you choose that person and give them access to either close it or post on it. if it is closed then no one can see the photos.
Graham, I'm not sure how things are done in other countries but here the undertakers' offices usually also have staff that can help sort out various legal matters besides the funeral. They can probably help with closing digital accounts as well nowadays.
Ginny, I don't know if Facebook has any time limit for accounts that are not being used at all.
Sounds like a wise plan, Terra. As I have no younger generation to pass anything on to, I'm not sure how to handle it. I'm vaguely considering some kind of document "to whom it may concern". But if I live, say another twenty years - who knows if my thoughts now will still be relevant then. (Twenty years ago, Facebook did not exist yet!)
Meike, it's hard to foresee not only how long we ourselves will live, but also the development in digital world during the time we have left! (cf my reply to Terra above)
Thanks Sandra. For now, I have decided to "unfollow" my friend who died. Which means (I think) that I won't get any more notifications from her account, but I'll still see her on my list of friends.
I know that family members can request that facebook memorialise their page. I had a very good friend who passed away a few years ago, we stay friends with her on facebook because we still miss her, it's nice to look back on her online life and photos sometimes.
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