Weekend Reflections

 

Photo from my walk today

 It's been a weekend for reflections, in more than one sense of the word.

On Saturday, I did something I haven't done in a long time. Definitely not since the pandemic; but not for quite a while before that either. I revisited a church where I used to be active back in the 90s, but over the past twenty years have only visited very occasionally. Initially this was related only to my own health issues; but with time, there is also an added factor of inevitably running into far too many people (at the same time) that I used to know, but have lost touch with; and all the questions and suggestions that often follow on such encounters (however well-intended). So in later years, when (now and then) I've wanted to attend a church service, I've usually gone to another church, where I rarely run into more than one or two people I know.

What made me go this time was that one friend (L) with whom I have kept in touch over the years - in spite of, or perhaps even thanks to, her living abroad - happened to be in town for a visit, and was going to lead a church seminar for a couple of hours on Saturday morning, about the work she and her husband are involved with in Asia. Another friend (E) texted me to say that if I wanted to come, she could give me a lift, and she didn't think there would be a whole lot of people there. So I thought well, perhaps it's as good a time as any to test my 'fears' against reality. And it probably was - even if, as a socializing experiment, I think I still have to declare the outcome kind of ambiguous.

It was nice to meet L in person though, and listen to her talk about her work 'live' and a bit more in detail. There probably weren't more than a dozen or so people there altogether (fewer than I expected). Two more (besides E and L) were friends I've also stayed in touch with on Facebook. (One of them L's father-in-law; I also used to be friends with his wife, who sadly passed away with cancer some years ago.) Most of the rest were new faces to me. One of those was the new pastor, who seemed rather puzzled to find an unknown 'stray sheep' wandering in at this kind of gathering. During the coffee/tea break, he did his best to fill the shoes of absent old friends (so to speak) - he even managed to fit in a suggestion that perhaps I'd like to join a group of some kind...  Just doing his shepherding job of course (and he wasn't really intrusive) but in my own head I made note that I really do still find it mentally exhausting to try and sum up my life to strangers in just a few sentences... (Not getting easier with the years ticking on - even if I suppose blogging keeps giving me a bit of practice of sorts. But in the written form I feel more in control!)

Meanwhile, sitting still on a hard chair without arm-rests for the better part of two hours is also definitely still not a good thing for my body. After I got back home, I spent most of the afternoon lying down, plus in need of more painkillers than normally. (And have tried to compensate with a very lazy and "slow" day today...) 

That's not to say I regret going. L's lecture was about feeling out of place vs belonging, and freedom. Her job includes 'pastoral care' and her approach is down-to-earth as much as spiritual. One exercise she had prepared for us to try was that she had spread out a lot of very different photos on a table, and asked each of us to pick one that to us seemed to represent "freedom", and then (no obligation, but everyone did) share our thoughts. (In general, I have no particular difficulty with that kind of sharing.) Interestingly (to myself) I found myself without much hesitation picking up an image of a keyboard and computer screen. My motivation (and also really what this whole post is leading up to):  To me it (the internet) represents "freedom from time and space", as in making it possible to have meaningful communication with other people, even across the world - without having to be in the same room, or even in the same time zone! (And of course, since the corona virus, this has become even more important for a lot more people.)

In this context, just pointing to L as an example was enough (to me she is "the Queen of Facebook" - no one else I know uses it to the extent she does, to keep in touch with people all over the world, and to share both everyday trivial things and more profound thoughts). But of course in my mind I was also thinking of "Blogland", and how much that has come to mean to me over the 13 years gone by since I created my first blog (2009). It's still amazing to me that I'm still in touch with several people I got to know very early on in this sphere of the internet (and others a bit later), even though we never (yet) met 'in person'.

So thanks for "being here"! :-)